Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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