She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We don't watch enough power rangers
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
