We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
