Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
