I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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