Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
