Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Even my vagina gasped.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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