when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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