Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
