My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
