you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize