I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
