Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We left an ass print on the piano.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
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