Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize