The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
