it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
