is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
