Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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