Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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