Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
