guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
