I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
There's always time for handjobs
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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