I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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