a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
