Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
