My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
