i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
