Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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