lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
