u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
are you so shy because you have an std?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
