Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
