i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
