All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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