i think my mom watched the whole time
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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