Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
