just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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