Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
