Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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