If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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