Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
