i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
