I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
