I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
