best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
