you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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