i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
