There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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