they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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