But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
