I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
