Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
