Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
