This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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