spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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