You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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