operation have a gay friend backfired
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
