i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
