Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
