i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I see more hoeing in ur future
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