i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
