He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
