Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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