We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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