One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
